撸奶社区

We were doing well cutting our list and no one was upset. Most people were thrilled to get a night away from the children. This left us room for our immediate families, our close extended families and our friends. Time to make the seating plan.

Then I get a call from one of my cousins that her boyfriend can鈥檛 make it, so she鈥檚 going to bring her 12-year-old son. She caught me off-guard, and I immediately responded negatively. I knew I hurt her feelings as soon as I spoke, but I was taken aback. This wedding is costing us a fortune. I want to spend my money on the people I want to be there, not just someone to fill a chair.

Now she鈥檚 not talking to me, and I don鈥檛 know if she鈥檚 coming, with or without her son. What do I do?

Wedding weary

础听You call her back, apologize for your knee-jerk reaction, and explain the tricky tightrope you鈥檙e walking with regards to who is, and who isn鈥檛, invited. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you really want her to be there but explain why it wouldn鈥檛 be fair for her to bring her son. He鈥檇 also hate it since there won鈥檛 be any kids there. Then make sure she鈥檚 at a fun table with people she knows.

Reader Commentary Regarding the cousin squabble ():

鈥淪ounds as if this woman has significant social anxiety. It鈥檚 one thing to prefer the quiet life. But an adult who gets highly stressed by an invitation to a cousin鈥檚 birthday party and overwhelmed when that party gets moved by 30 minutes is way too dependent and withdrawn.

鈥淢ost of us have been invited to social occasions we鈥檇 prefer to avoid, but by our 20s, we鈥檙e generally able to cope. We go, greet the birthday person and bow out early with regrets, e.g. tired from work, have an early appointment, puppy can鈥檛 be alone, etc. If we just can鈥檛 face attending but don鈥檛 wish to insult the host we phone for a short chat and to make our excuses, send a gift and maybe follow up with an email asking how the event went. If we鈥檇 prefer to discourage future invitations, we鈥檙e less effusive 鈥� perhaps just sending an email of regret.

鈥淭his woman is unusually shy, and it sounds as if she may be using that puppy as a de facto emotional support animal. All of this should perhaps be of more concern to her and her mother than the family squabble.

鈥淢eanwhile, why people feel entitled to get all huffy because someone doesn鈥檛 attend their events is beyond me. The birthday boy seems to have had a successful party and the extended family must surely have some inkling that his cousin is generally withdrawn. They can feel quietly offended, maybe make a concerned inquiry, saying that they were sorry she couldn鈥檛 attend. But otherwise, just suck it up. It鈥檚 not as if this 30-year-old (and I can鈥檛 think of a less significant milestone!) is a social outcast child left sitting alone at his party because none of his classmates showed up.鈥�

FEEDBACK Regarding the neighbour who overshares (:

Reader: 鈥淚 haven’t been in contact with many people, nor do I have any support from other women in my life, or friends who let me vent or give me emotional support. This has been especially true during the last three years of the pandemic.

鈥淚 grew up in Quebec where people seem to be more forthcoming; casual co-workers or acquaintances show some interest or caring for other people. I guess it’s a matter of boundaries and self-interest.

鈥淗er response really affected me and now I feel I’m going to be superficial with people on the street, or people I work with in the future.

鈥淚t’s a shame that this person can’t see through the pain and the need of another human being, that a bit of listening could really help her day. She’s not asking her to do anything; she just wants somebody to talk to.鈥�